Imagine with me that you’re seven-years-old and heading back to school. I know, maybe thinking of yourself as a second grader again doesn’t bring back the best memories. Anyone else remember the bowl haircut from the eighties? Now think about a kid entering school again or maybe for the first time. Back to school pictures weren’t really a thing when I was a kid, instead of white letters against a black felt board announcing the start of another school year, I was that skinny kid with a stiff backpack and bright smile masking what was truly inside.
Doing anything for the first time can be overwhelming, especially for a kid who doesn’t know what to expect and is most certainly not aware of when they are feeling anxious. So, I want to encourage parents with some things you can do to help your child feel less anxious as they start a new school year.
Some kids are overwhelmed because they don’t know what to expect in new situations. This is understandable for a seven-year-old who is cautious and overly stimulated by new experiences. A way to help this is to walk through the day with them so they can reasonably anticipate what their day will look like. You can say something like, “We’re going to practice what your day will look like when you’re at school.”
As the parent, you know the reality is there will be things that happen that they can’t anticipate. It’s in those moments where you can remind them that sometimes things don’t go according to plan, but that’s not a bad thing. By practicing what a typical school day might look like the unknown doesn’t seem so big in their minds. And when unexpected things do happen, they can know it’s just part of the experience.
You can even ask the teacher if you can arrive at school a day before they are scheduled to start so your child is familiar with where the classroom is, where the bathroom is, where to go after being dropped off by you or after the bus ride. By allowing your child to experience what can be an overwhelming situation with you, (especially if this is their first time at school) you provide an opportunity for them to build self confidence in new experiences that will serve them in life. This also provides an opportunity for them to talk with you if something didn’t go as they expected.
Something you can start doing during the school year is build into your normal rhythm, whether that’s at the dinner table or while tucking them into bed, a simple routine of asking them to tell you about their day. The responses you will get might vary depending on the temperament and personality of your child so a good question to ask is, “What is something fun that happened today?” and “What is something that was hard about today?” By noticing your child’s responses to these questions, you can begin to see where your child is focusing their attention, what is important to them, and what they are afraid of. This is then an opportunity for you to gently speak into those areas and pray over them.
Now I recognize that this takes intentionally on the parent. In this fast-paced culture where the start of school can mark the start of a race and where school drop-off and pick up serve as bookends to the day, there can be little room for reflection. This is why habits and routines during the early years of raising kids are so important. By building this simple practice of asking your child about their day, you are opening the door to deeper discipleship for your child. You are learning more about them, and this is exciting as a parent.
A few summers ago, I started sitting with my daughter (who was 8 at the time) on the front porch after dinner and asked her about her day. I loved this precious time with her as she talked about what was hard, what she is learning and seeing the way that God created her. Now, my kids are 11 and 9 and sometimes I am shocked at how big they are and how fast time goes.
So, parents, I want to encourage you to get to know your child. Spend the extra time preparing your child for what a school day might look like, and build a simple habit of asking them about their day. You will hear how they experience the world and with God’s help, disciple them with the love of Jesus. This is not easy work, but in my experience it’s certainly the most rewarding.
Ryan serves as the Director of Luma Counseling. With over a decade of counseling experience, he’s passionate about walking with people through life’s challenges. In his free time, Ryan enjoys reading, tennis, Kentucky basketball, and escaping to quiet outdoor spaces.
