Do you have a teen in school right now who seems to be controlled by the opinions of others? Are they constantly worried what someone at school might think of them, what to wear to fit in, or if other people are mad at them? It seems to be a common theme as you observe the middle school or high school halls these days. If Christian teens don’t consider what God calls them to do in this situation, they will be on a never-ending chase to please others. There will always be someone whose opinion of them has changed, someone who is more popular, someone who makes them feel small. So, what can you do to help?
The book that helped me learn the most on this subject is called When People are Big and God is Small by Edward Welch. It is one of those books that would benefit anyone who reads it, especially if you are a parent in the situation I described above. While we can’t get into everything on this subject or in this book, I’d like to leave you with a few ideas based on concepts Welch writes on.
The issues mentioned above can be summarized under the sin of “fear of man”. As Welch puts it, “…the fear of man can be summarized this way: We replace God with people. Instead of a biblically guided fear of the Lord, we fear others” (Welch, 1997, pg. 14). Fear of man can really sneak up on us. People’s opinions can seem so eminent, we can visually see their disapproval or start imagining a person we know thinking poorly of us. The lie that your teen might be believing is if you can just get enough approval from the people you can see, you will feel secure and loved.
However, men’s approval will never fully satisfy us and can never be fully accomplished. Isaiah 2:22 describes the issue so well:
“Stop regarding man
in whose nostrils is breath,
for of what account is he?”
As Christians know, our faith is built on things unseen. God and his approval of us isn’t something we can see easily, like when a person “approves” of us. Nonetheless, this verse summarizes the freedom found in seeking God’s approval and following Him. At the end of our lives, we won’t give account to any human. We will give account to our great and holy God for our faithfulness to Him. Of course, when we are saved in Christ, we no longer worry about salvation – this is not salvific. Rather, I am talking about living for the Lord after he has saved us.
Of course, the first step would be to seek to understand your teen and listen intently to all that could be going on. If the above idea fits with what you have heard your teen wrestle with, I pray this brings clarity to you and to them as to what could be going on under the surface. You can talk with your Christian teen about this topic and introduce it to them.
Over time, pray with your teen for freedom from sinful fear of man and for God to help them fear and seek the Lord instead. Pray for the Lord to change your or your teen’s heart to be oriented towards pleasing God and not man. Pray for you or your teen to begin seeking God’s freeing forgiveness rather than the approval of friends. Wait on the Lord to help us in our weakness! While overly brief, this is the general path to repentance and freedom found in fearing the Lord that we all can desire to grow in.
Resources:Welch, E. (1997). When People are Big and God is Small. Publishing, P&R.
