So far in this series we have seen how the Gospel is relief to those struggling with perfectionism and the need to be more than human. In this last article, I’d like to focus on how the Gospel provides relief to those who feel compelled to control the narrative about themselves.
A quick Google search will tell you that a narrative is sometimes described as “a spoken or written account of connected events; a story.” This is what we usually think of when we think of great stories like the Greek epic The Odyssey or maybe The Lord of the Rings. However, there is another way to consider what a narrative is. It’s the idea that someone else is telling your story so they get to influence how the readers feel about you. That means that whomever the author is determines what they are saying about you. Yikes! No wonder people want to control the narrative. Let me give you an example.
There was a brief time when I was a junior in college where two girls showed an interest in going on a date with me. Let me assure you this was the rarest of occurrences but this one time, it did happen! I ended up going on a date with one of them after which I communicated that, while I had a great time, I thought it would be better if we just remained friends. She agreed and, in my mind, that was that.
A few days later I went on a date with the second girl who showed interest and by the end of the night I was excited to see where it could lead. The very next day I received the cold shoulder from both of them and had no idea why! I communicated clearly enough, didn’t I? Additionally, that same night in the dorm I had four different guys stop by to express their disappointment in me that I was playing both girls and hurting their feelings. One guy even told me that if I didn’t “fix it” then he would have to “decide what to do with me.” I would have been terrified had I not been twice the size of this gentleman.
The next day I found the girls together at lunch (they were acquaintances) and asked them if they knew anything about what that happened in my dorm last night. They said yes, they were telling everyone how I was mean and hurtful to both of them by trying to date them both at the same time and hoping they never found out. I was stunned, as that wasn’t at all the case but by the time I learned this, their story had become the narrative about me, it was all over the school.
Having the narrative about your character taken out of your hands and thoroughly trashed by someone else’s misperceptions and lies is brutal. It feels like the highest of injustices and makes you feel helpless and kind of crazy because no matter what you say in your defense you just look more and more guilty and pathetic.
Controlling the narrative about your life seems so very appealing. At times, it seems like something you must do at all costs! If not, your reputation will be ruined. If you’re feeling that way, I can relate. There have been four different times in my life and career when someone has tried to ruin my reputation with lies and misperceptions. A wise man once told me (often) that if “I take care of my character, God will take care of my reputation.” While that feels scary, it’s always proven to be true.
The Gospel provides relief here because the narrative about you isn’t written by mean girls in college, or someone whose attacking you professionally, or even your own self-perceived failures. The narrative is written by God. What is even better is that your narrative isn’t even the real story, it’s simply a chapter in God’s bigger story! He is the author and there is great comfort in that.
Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
In fact, all of Psalm 139 is about how intimately God knows us. He formed our innermost being, and he knitted us together, we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
The relief of the Gospel here is overwhelming, but in a good way. God knows us better than anyone else every possibly could, including ourselves. What He says about us is truer than what we or anyone else say about us. With this being true, we don’t have to stress and worry and try to control the narrative about our lives, because God already wrote it. What is His narrative you might ask? Well, go back to Ephesians 2:9 where Paul says, “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God.”
That is your narrative. That is your chapter in God’s big story and that is the truest thing about you if you are a follower of Jesus. Beloved, live in this reality today, let go of the desperate need to control the narrative or to control what people think or say about you, because what God says about you is better and it is sweet relief.
Ryan serves as the Director of Luma Counseling. With over a decade of counseling experience, he’s passionate about walking with people through life’s challenges. In his free time, Ryan enjoys reading, tennis, Kentucky basketball, and escaping to quiet outdoor spaces.
