When I was in college, I spent every summer working at a summer camp in Wisconsin as a counselor. Some of the best and most transformative moments of my life happened at that camp. However, one of the harshest realities of my life happened there too.
When I Felt I Wasn’t Enough
The structure of this camp was such that when a new group of teens came in every week they were split into two teams, red and blue, and the entire week was filled with competitions on the game field: scavenger hunts, cabin clean-up and other activities. Both teams had “team leaders” that were essentially in charge of all the counselors on each team and were tasked with several significant leadership responsibilities.
Becoming one of these “team leaders” was something I really wanted while I was working each summer as silly that might sound now at 40-years old. By all metrics I stood out as an exceptional counselor.
However, summer after summer, I was passed over for that role. When I got to camp my final summer, I was convinced that this was the year. I was finally going to be a team leader. The day came when they announced team leaders and my name, shockingly, wasn’t called. I was stunned and the first thought that ran through my mind was, “What else does a person have to do to be good enough to be a team leader”?
Feelings of Not Being Enough
This question of being good enough has been a consistent part of my life before camp and ever since. What do I have to do to be “enough”? This happens all the time in professional settings. You get passed over for a promotion, you work your tail off to win the incentive prize only for someone else to snatch it up at the last minute. Or maybe it’s as simple as getting recognized, to be told “well done” for others to hear. Instead, you sit quietly, politely clapping for the person receiving the praise all the while wishing it were you being rewarded and wondering why, once again, you aren’t good enough to be recognized.
It’s been my experience as a counselor that people tend to internalize feelings of inadequacy “what more could I have done?” more frequently than resentment, “the other person doesn’t deserve that“. Essentially, we begin to think we have to somehow be extraordinary or more than human to win, attain, or deserve recognition and acceptance.
The Gospel Invites Us to Be Human Sized
Another way the gospel brings relief to anxious souls is by reminding us to be human sized, that is operating how God intended and not striving to always be extraordinary or more than human.
In his excellent book The Expectation Gap: The Tiny Vast Spaces Between our Beliefs and Experience of God author Steve Cuss discusses this phenomenon of believing we need to be more than human and how easy it is to do this even when reading the Bible. Steve offers a different perspective on the familiar story of Peter walking on the water in Matthew 14:22-33. By applying systems theory (the study of the way groups of people interact) to this story you begin “noticing the whole rather than the individual”. If you recall, this is the story of Jesus walking on water to the twelve disciples who are in the boat and calls Peter to walk to him on the waves.
“On our own, we are prone to look at one person in a story (Peter) and relate to that one person, but systems theory’s gift is that it helps us gain a more holistic view.
In this story, most of Jesus’ disciples—92 percent to be precise—did not step out in faith at all. In fact, they sat in the boat and watched as their impulsive and bold friend stepped out of the boat. Maybe rather than trying to be like Peter this week, we should try to be like one of the other eleven. p.105
Through this story, Steve illustrates our tendency to assume we need to do more, be better, and excel to win, attain, or deserve anything. However, God doesn’t see it that way.
You Are Enough
Beloved, trying to be more than human-sized leads to anxiety and discouragement and can, at times, lead to sin. I want to remind you that the Gospel brings relief to your desire to be exceptional. Ambition isn’t bad, but ambition that isn’t harnessed by the truth of the Gospel can create chaos. Relax into God’s presence today and remember that 92% of the disciples never got out of the boat and they still experienced God’s miracle and were better disciples because of it.
We all have different gifts that benefit the whole body (1 Cor 12:12-26). This is what makes the church beautiful. Just as I had to accept that the being a camp counselor was the best use of the gifts God has given me, so you can function in your role in the body instead of trying to become “something more” that God ever intended for you to be.
Ryan serves as the Director of Luma Counseling. With over a decade of counseling experience, he’s passionate about walking with people through life’s challenges. In his free time, Ryan enjoys reading, tennis, Kentucky basketball, and escaping to quiet outdoor spaces.
