Suicide can be such a hard topic to bring up. If you are having suicidal thoughts you may worry you will be judged by others and be labeled as “crazy”…you may be filled with shame and wonder if you should just keep your thoughts to yourself. If you have a friend who you are worried might be suicidal you might fear it could be harmful to bring up the topic at all…will it put an idea into their head, will they feel offended that you think this, could this hurt your relationship with them, and what if they are experiencing suicidal thoughts then what do you do?
These can be some of the common questions and fears of bringing up the topic of suicide. But it is actually very important that we learn how to talk about suicide together because it is a part of the human condition of living in a broken world. Silence only creates more isolation for those navigating suicidal thoughts or ideation. Each of us has a part to play in being a safe person who is willing to listen and ask questions.
Research states that directly asking someone if they are thinking of ending their life does not increase the risk of suicide. It does the opposite – inviting someone to share something really challenging. It may provide relief for someone in being able to be honest and open…allowing them to no longer feel alone with their thoughts. It could be helpful to start the conversation out by checking in on them and letting them know you’ve noticed that they’ve not seemed themselves lately and you want to genuinely know how they are doing. It is important to ask the question directly, but do it through a conversation that conveys love and genuine care for them as a person. The goal should be to check in on them, listen well, and create connection verses disconnection. As human beings we can all relate to experiencing challenging thoughts. It’s important to draw on this human experience and remind each other that we are navigating this broken world together.
If someone does voice they are having suicidal thoughts then it is important to help connect them with professionals who can help them process through what is going on. But do this by first staying calm and present with them. Thank them for sharing and trusting you with this information. Listen to them fully to help them feel seen and heard. Let them know you are with them and they are not alone. Come alongside them as they figure out next steps in getting connected to a counselor. And please follow up with them so they know you care. Being engaged in a healthy support system is so important.
If someone shares that they have a plan to end their life and a way to follow through take them to the emergency room or a place that they can meet with a therapist to create a safety plan. If they are unwilling and resistant call 911. Stay with them until they are connected to help and unable to follow through on their plan.
And to those who are experiencing suicidal thoughts or ideation please reach out to people you trust. It is okay to not be okay. Don’t walk through this alone. So many more people than we realize have struggled with thoughts of suicide. You are not the only one and there are people who want to walk with you. Most importantly there is a God who sees you and loves you. He wants you to bring the raw pain and hardship to Him. He did not create us to do this life on our own and desires for us to walk together in community looking to Him for our help and our hope.
We are beautifully broken and no one has life figured out. We need Jesus and we need each other. Let’s embrace that reality. With linked arms let’s take our burdens and hardships to Jesus together.
Marla finds joy in walking alongside women and teen girls through life’s challenges. She has experience in both outpatient and residential counseling, including work in the Dominican Republic. Marla loves hiking, camping, and hammocking with her husband and their two littles.
